I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.