We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...