I accidentally burped into my bong.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday