I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity