hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is