jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
