I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i need some magic done to my vagina
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
