This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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