Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
