the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
