WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
