So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
