if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
