I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
