her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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