I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
