My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
