How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
