we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
