soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
