just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
