Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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