Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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