barbara walters just said penis...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
