she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
