So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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