eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
