Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
