you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
