I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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