i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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