Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Four minutes until I can fart!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
