Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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