Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
