Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
