When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
