Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize