hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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