cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize