I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize