We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I deserve this hangover.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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