dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
