Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
