Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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