Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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