So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
