No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
