hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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