i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
