a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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