it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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