see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
