It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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