we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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