Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
