My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
