Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize