we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
