I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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