are you still at the devil's house?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
