never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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