i just sold back the books i vomitted on
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
