I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
