I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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