Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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