and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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