3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
