I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
